Lindsay Lohan Might Be On Dancing With The Stars

I am not a big fan of Dancing With The Stars or DWTS as I will refer to it here. They always try to get these bullshit talentless tabloid fixtures and then try to capitalize off their fame for ratings. A novel approach to television but dancing is pretty gay and the stars on the show are anything but. Now they want Lindsay Lohan and I can bet my left nut that she will not do the show because she is WAY too much of a diva to have to partner up with a... partner. Also, she can make more money by selling pics of herself to the paparazzi and placing ads on her Twitter timeline.

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Lindsay Lohan Wants To Ditch The Paparazzi

Lindsay Lohan thinks she is good to go behind a wheel of a car and the probation department and The Betty Ford clinic gave her the thumbs up. The only problem is, she is being followed by dozens of paparazzi no matter where she goes. Therefore, she is going to get a restraining order not against specific paparazzi but the paparazzi in general. Now I am not a paparazzo or a celebrity so I am not sure that is even possible but I am guessing it is unconstitutional for one person to get a restraining order against a vague group of individuals. Therefore, LiLo will be swarmed by paparazzi for the rest of her life and there isn't shit she can do about it. Maybe one of them can give her a lift?

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Lindsay Lohan Tweets

Lindsay Lohan took a break from rehab this week to attend Thanksgiving in L.A. with her dad. While she was out she managed to Tweet a quote from Tom Cruise's Vanilla Sky. I am not sure what she is trying to convey here but it is Lindsay Lohan so you can be rest assured that it doesn't make any sense. I miss her superficial and pointless Tqeets and I look forward to her getting out of rehab and either changing her life around and validating all my blog posts about her so I don't feel like I am wasting my time or spinning out of control more so than ever before. Either way, truly I will be happy. Only if she fucks up again, rehab will no longer be only the table and she will go to the striped bary place where the food sucks.

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Lindsay Lohan Lost Her Job

Lindsay Lohan is 100% uninsurable. A lot of movie companies have to take out insurance on their actors and actresses and that means that they can shoot the entire length of the film and nothing will happen to that actress, rehab included. Everyone thinks she will relapse. I think so too. Anyway, now she lost her job to star in the Linda Lovelace Biopic and she is being replaced with a much hotter actress named Malin Akerman which is on some unmentionable show on cable. I def wanna see Malin naked MUCH MORE than LiLo.

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Lindsay Lohan Wants To Go To NYC

It seems that Lindsay Lohan is not in the mood to hang around rehab anymore and I am sure this little big egoed bitch thinks she has blow concured but I have met quite a bit of drug addicts in my day and I know from experience that you can not get over something like cocaine in a few short weeks or months. It takes a LONG TIME. She is all smiles now because she has been clean but that is because she is being drug tested and living in a sober house for a while. Anyway, now she wants to go to NYC to see family for the holidays and God knows how that is going to turn out. There is actually no guarantee that she will be allowed to visit but I hope she gets to get out and chill with good people for a little while.

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LiLo Has Changed. But Not That Much.

Lindsay Lohan apparently has a pretty fucked up grill because she had her wisdom teeth pulled just a couple months ago (sic: she took painkillers between court dates) and now she had dental surgery. Personally, if I underwent some crazy shit like that I would be poppin' oxycontin like they were going out of style but she is now refusing painkillers because she doesn't wanna fuck up any of the progress she has made in rehab. I am proud of her but let's face the facts here, she is not addicted to painkillers. She is addicted to cocaine and there is no telling if even after this huge stint at Betty Ford clinic she will change her ways and go on the straight and narrow. I am just glad they are giving this chick day passes away from the rehab house where she is living so the paparazzi can take pictures of her and give me shit to write about.

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How Cute

Lindsay Lohan hates her father more than anything in the world and wants him to keep his distance. But the quacks at Betty Ford think that she should meet up with him and mend fences. I have been on Michael's side for months now because Lindsay Lohan is a fucking head case and she always cops out by saying she is a drug addict because she learned bad behaviors from dear old dad. That just proves that in her mind she is still just a stupid, fucked up little kid that doesn't know anything about the big,bad, shit ugly world out there. Now they reunited and who knows what will change from here on out but I wanna see LiLo keep Michael in her life after all this drug addled bullshit is over.

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WTF?!

It seems that the people over at the Betty Ford clinic do not take themselves too seriously because they are letting Lindsay Lohan out of the clinic to do a little bit of shopping. WTF?! I have been in rehab before and those fuckers usually do not let you outside of the walls just to get your Gucci fix. I think this makes the clinic look REALLY bad. Anyway, bitch is probably bullshitting them the same way she bullshitted the court and is prolly doing lines off her bedset when they have their heads turned. I personally am grateful for LiLo's addictions because now that means I get a break from this hack. Well, sorta.

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Lindsay Lohan Sentenced To Rehab Until January 3 2011

Many, many people were disappointed this morning when Lindsay Lohan showed up to court and was expected to be sentenced to some serious jail time but instead got sentenced to rehab at The Betty Ford Clinic until Jan.3 instead. The surprising thing is that the probation office wanted her to serve 30 days for violating probation by drug testing positive for cocaine but the district attorney's office wanted her to serve 180 days behind bars! That is a little steep but I would have laughed out loud uncontrollably for about a day if that had been the case. I think this is a huge failure for judge Elden Fox and now the status quo cliche about celebrities never having to pay for their crimes is apparent now more than ever in L.A. today.

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LiLo Tried To Flee Betty Ford

Lindsay Lohan is sick of tired of being in rehab and she is starting to break rules. In the Betty Ford rehab clinic caffeine is strictly prohibited but her and some other rehab patient jumped a fence in an attempt to go to another building on the property and use their vending machine for a Coca-Cola. She probably would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for the other patient's wardrobe getting caught on a fence and then causing them to flag down a staff member to free him/her. I hope this is brought up in court and shows to the public that Lindsay Lohan is not taking rehab seriously at all. Court date is 9 days away. Will she go back to jail? Wait and find out.

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Lindsay Lohan Is Lacking Technology In Rehab

Lindsay Lohan is in rehab for some time now and will remain there until her October 22 court date. I hope the judge throws her sorry ass in jail for violation of probation, which is what I am guessing she will do but in the meantime, LiLo needs a way to pass the time in rehab. Now it is being reported that Lindsay Lohan can only use her phone, e-mail and Twitter for two hours a day in rehab. I have been to rehab before and usually all types of technology is banned. So this little cunt should consider herself lucky. I am looking forward to seeing this little bitch get thrown behind bars again and then when she finally does sober up and start making the rounds in Hollywood again, I am looking forward to not seeing that constipated look on her face. Drugs make people look so ugly.

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Michael Lohan Was Denied

Michael Lohan is doing everything in his power to be a good father to his daughter, Lindsay, and every time he gets within ear shot of her she freaks out and does a line of blow. He tried to visit Lindsay in the Betty Ford Clinic but the people there said he came after visiting hours. Then he asked if he was on the "no contact list" and they told him that he was not. So I guess that is good. That is what I wanna see from Lindsay. I don't care if she is hooked on drugs and battling an addiction to alcohol. I wanna see this cunt step up to the plate and talk to her dad again. I know I am fishing for the moon in the water but we will see what happens.

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First Pics Of LiLo In Preclink Clinic

Lindsay Lohan has been in rehab for a while now but I have been busy and didn't have time to blog about it. Also, I didn't wanna do a 3 page post on how pissed off I am that this little cunt isn't rotting in a jail cell. According to a few sources LiLo will beg the judge to not go back to jail and instead stay in rehab where she will pull one over, again, on the staff and get them to release her early where she will no doubtedly use drugs again. This bitch is a broken record and the only thing that will get her sober is if she is scared straight by going to jail. And none of that "safe jail" bullshit. Put her out in the regular public. Make her go to dinner with these other criminals and let her get her ass beat a few times before putting her in administrative segregation. Anyway, here is the first pic of her in rehab and she looks a lot better than the first pics of Britney Spears in rehab when those pics surfaced (shaved head) but that isn't saying much.

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Lindsay Lohan Used Heroin

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LiLo Back In The Clink, No Bail

LOLOLOLOL. As all of us have known for weeks is that Lindsay Lohan was going to go back to jail for a violation of her probation. The violation was testing positive for cocaine and because the LA DA is so fucked up, they didn't charge her for testing positive for Adderall. Anyway, TMZ speculated yesterday that Lindsay would get bail because the violation of probation was a misdemeanor and she would be booked, make bail and then be released within hours of her arrest. And then even if she was convicted in court over a month later, she would be booked and then released because of "overcrowding" (a.k.a. the bitch is famous).Anyway, in a surprise decision by judge Eldin Fox, LiLo was denied bail and was taken into custody and will remain there until October 22. LMAO. Michael Lohan had some shit to say to the press as he always does but the audio/video was all kinds of fucked up so I missed about half of what he said but I think he was high because he was kind of going off on a rant. In case you didn't know, I am totally team Michael. He is the only sane person in the Lohan family and needs to step up his game to get through to his daughter. LiLo basically hates his guts because he is serious all the time and that shit is a buzzkill. Once she gets sober, she may want to have something to do with him but I am still unsure on that. I will update this post when more shit goes down but that is about all of Friday's morning tabloids wrapped up in a neat little package.

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LiLo Is Getting No Love

TMZ just got word from the Los Angeles probation department that they want Lindsay Lohan to do some time behind bars. I want her to do some time behind bars and since the recommendation is 30 days in the clink for each failed drug test, I say 60 days. Anyway, the D.A. is staying out of the situation which is irrelevant and I could care less what the D.A. wants because it isn't like this cunt is looking at a felony. Anyway, Friday is going to be a very good day. Also, she may end up sitting in jail for a little while just waiting for the judge to grant her a hearing. So come Friday, she could show up at jail and be incarcerated for God knows how long before she even sets foot in a courtroom. I will keep ya updated.

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Bench Warrant Issued For Lindsay Lohan

It is being reported now by TMZ that Lindsay Lohan has a bench warrant out for her arrest. It is being held until 8:30 am on Friday which means...I dunno. I guess it means it will not go into effect until then or they are trying to arrest ASAP and get her in court before then. I love weeks like this. When Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are battling it out for over partied headlines. It is good stuff. Also, the other drug test she failed was for amphetamines. That report just coming out within the past few minutes as well. We all know she was addict to and prescribed Adderall which is a very strong amphetamine but I don't know if she had connections for that on the street. So it might be meth. Still not sure. That report will come out soon enough too. I hope Lindsay turns herself in now and gets her 60 days in the clink over and done with. AND NO OVER CROWDING!

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Lindsay Lohan Is Going Broke...Again

Lindsay Lohan hasn't really had any work in a long time now. That is obvious. She every now and then is in a magazine for some Godawful reason. I have yet to find someone who has two balls and a penis who likes to actually date girls say that they would wanna hook up with Lindsay Lohan. These magazine covers are a product of overly gay men wanted to sell issues. And by overly gay I mean a guy that is so gay they can't even tell LiLo is a mess and is the poster child for ugliness. Anyway, now she is fucked cause as you read on this blog last Friday, LiLo is going back to jail. I am almost 100% sure that that role in Inferno will go to hell. And no one gives a shit about Machete because all the good nude scenes have already leaked onto the internet. Like I said before, I just hope this overcrowding thing doesn't fuck up her clink time.

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LiLo Is Heading Back To The Clink!

TMZ has just learned that Lindsay Lohan pissed positive for one of her probation mandatory drug tests. This carries a penalty of 30 days in jail and I am pretty sure she will not get out early from "overcrowding". Her lawyer sucks balls so you know Shawn Chapman Holly will not get her out of this. LiLo is stating she didn't fail cause she is a fucked up cunt who is in denial but TMZ is saying their evidence is air tight. No court date has been set and I will update this post when more details come out. ::points and laughs @ LiLo::

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UPDATE: She popped positive for two drug tests. One for cocaine and the other for (at the time) an unknown drug. Both tests were taken within a short span of each other. TMZ

LiLo May Be On Oprah

Lindsay Lohan hasn't been in the press, or at least doing interviews since she went to the clink and then quickly to rehab. I am sure she is waiting for a fat paycheck for her first post jail interview as if the bitch actually had something to say. She may go on Oprah but they will not pay her for an interview so she will probably forgo a credible interviewer to discuss the dangers of drinking and driving and drug abuse and just go to the first tabloid who will give her a cool mil for "photos". I could give a shit less because all this girl is good at doing is fucking up perfectly good movies and being chased by the paparazzi. I have no idea why people are obsessed with her but I personally am sick and tired of hearing about interview "possibilities" and I wish this chick would just sit down and do one already and get it over with.

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