Put On Your Dancing Shoes: Meet the New Cast of DWTS

First Up ... The Women:

Audrina Patridge

Brandy

Bristol Palin

Florence Henderson

Jennifer Grey

Margaret Cho

And Now ... The Men:

David Hasselhoff

Kurt Warner

Kyle Massey

Michael Bolton

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino

Rick Fox

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La Lohan Was Interviewed

There have been reports since before Lindsay went to jail that she would fetch a cool million for her first post prison/rehab interview. Who has that kind of scratch to waste on a pointless LiLo interview? Vanity Fair. In the interview she calls herself "a damn good actress" even though she hasn't worked on a movie in God knows how long and none of the producers and directors in Hollywood want to have anything to do with her. I watched that kokamamie movie Labor Pains and she SERIOUSLY doesn't know how to act. I used to love Lindsay and I guess I still do in some strange way but I don't like her nearly as much as I used to before she looked like she was 40 years old and had a bad attitude about everything. She had hope once and all of that is gone now. Also in the interview she talks a little bit about her "trama" from her father like he is this evil man when all he really wants to do is help. I feel sorry for the whole family. What else is discussed in the interview? She says she "never" abused prescription meds even though she just weened herself off amphetamines. She also says she "dabbled" with other drugs because she was young and dumb. This takes me to a flashback of Nicole Richie talking about "dabbling" with heroin. I am not sure if LiLo has gone that far down the drug path but if she hasn't already, give her time.

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SNL Has New Cast Members

Saturday Night Live just shed Will Forte from their cast because he probably thinks that his life is going to be going nowhere but upward after having years of SNL experience under his belt but nothing can be farther from the truth. As most people know, the life of a former SNL cast members takes a violent downward spin after leaving the show. Only a few have survived and even fewer have flourished. Now they have three new cast members to make the world not laugh every weekend. I am sure these people have a shitload of talent and could actually be somebodies if they just stuck with comedy but instead they decided to go the SNL route. Good luck! You'll need it!

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Last Night Was The Emmys

Last night all the people on tv who want to be in movies but are not talented enough came out of the woodwork to get an award. Some didn't get an award and mass suicides followed. Of course Kate Gosselin has a show on tv so she made it a point to arrive looking flashy and sexy. I love Kate Gosselin. I have ever since I started watching the first season of Jon And Kate Plus 8 and I think she is pretty cool. Anyway, here she is. Enjoy the view.

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Paris Hilton Busted For Coke, Is Pretty

Over the weekend Paris Hilton was busted for cocaine posession in Las Vegas. I know this story is old but I don't blog on the weekends so here it is. She didn't have a kilo or anything, just a little bit tucked away in her purse that she tried to get rid of by dropping it on the floor in the security offices of Wynn hotel. Anyway, the cop saw her try to drop it and she was busted. Now she is claiming that the cocaine belonged to her girlfriend who had borrowed her purse blah,blah. It is all bullshit. Why Paris can't just man up and tell everyone the coke was hers. I guess she is worried about going back to the clink because as you and I know, Paris Hilton DOES have a police record. She is probably trying to get out of the charges because Las Vegas is incredibly strict on drug use of any type in their city meaning Paris may not be looking at days if convicted but months in the pokey. Ouch!

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UPDATE: Paris Hilton might be charged with a drug felony if convicted of cocaine posession which she obviously was. Also, she may get four years in the pokey. LOL!

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2010 Emmy Awards: Glamour Girls

These glamour girls look radiant and ravishing on the red carpet. Eva, Lea, January, and our other famous small-screen stars certainly made a big impression at the 2010 Emmy Awards.

Claire Danes

Lea Michele

January Jones

Jayma Mays

Eva Longoria

Keri Russell

Kyra Sedgwick

Brooke Burke

*Photos Courtesy: Getty Images

Sexy Mama!

Here we have a picture of Heidi Montag and her fucked up nose from the plastic surgery she got a while back. This shit actually makes Michael Jackson's nose jobs look good. This is seriously some sick fucking shit. Anyway, her body looks awesome and she is a total butterface now. So someone grab me a box of Trojans and a brown paper sack so I can go to town!

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Bristol Palin Will Whore Herself Out For Dancing With The Stars

I do not see the obsession with fame that the Palin family has but it is starting to get a lot worse. Sarah Palin is content with being in the public eye to serve her country and make recommendations for politicians she thinks is right for the judge. Ever since that 2008 campaign Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin thinks they deserve a spot in the national eye and will not back down. Now Bristol Palin is going to be on Dancing With The Stars or DWTS for all you losers out there who actually watch the show. I feel sorry for her because she will end up breaking an ankle or some shit just like all the other celebrities who take on that show with no dancing experience do and then she will make a big fuss and throw a diva fit because she thinks that someday her mother will be president of the United States.

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Sandra Bullock Will Be Interviewed

I have no idea why Sandra Bullock waited this long to do a tv interview about her divorce from her ex-husband Jesse James but I am betting it all goes back to that thing that all actors and actresses apparently have in Hollywood called the Attention Whore bug. She likes all the publicity. Anyway, I am sure tough questions will be asked but she is a moron so there won't be all that much depth to the interview.

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Octomom Is Homeless

On the 15th of this month Octomom a.k.a. Nadya Suleman transferred the ownership of her home and the home of 14 neglected children over to her lawyer. I am not sure what this means for Octomom financially. Maybe she is broke. Maybe she thought that by having 14 kids and being a single mom meant she would be a shoe in for some fucked up reality show? Anyway, she is basically homeless and those kids will grow up to be serial killers. Nadya fail!

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How Big Is Too Big?

It is being reported by Life & Style magazine that Heidi Montag wants to remove her ginormous breast implants because they are crushing her. She already made a sex tape that will probably be released pretty soon where she shows off her massive tits in the flesh so I do not see a problem with getting the implants taken out now. I guess there is such a thing as "too big" for tits. I liked them smaller at their original size until Heidi fucked her body up royally by getting over a dozen plastic surgeries in one day.

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Lindsay Lohan Is Free!

Late last night Lindsay Lohan was released from UCLA medical center where she will continue to do outpatient treatment. So say good bye to that whole moving out west and getting real rehabilitation thing. She will fall back into her old ways because, let's face it, she is Lindsay. I truly do not know what to make of her. She still has the whole Machete and Inferno movie possibilities on her plate but do you actually think people are going to pack the box office just because LiLo might be flashing a little bit of boob?

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Miley Cyrus Is Fun

Miley Cyrus is set to star in a film called LOL that portrays her as a pot head, sex maniac and lesbian kisser. Chick is only 17 so there will not be any nudity but once this chick hits 18 and gets access to all that Hanna Montana money, she will be out the door like grease hits the skillet. I am not sure what that means but it sounds like some re neck shit her family would say. Anyway, she will def be doing Playboy in the coming months and will star in this "coming of age" story whenever they get their shit together and shoot this fucking thing. Basically it will be like the movie Thirteen only with less drugs I am sure.

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Heidi Montag Wants To Talk Numbers

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are in costa Rica for some weird reason and they are working on the release of this sex tape. This thing is for sure gonna happen one way or the other and everyone in the world will be able to see Heidi's bunghole for all existence. There is still no confirmation on what the numbers will be up front for the vid but I am sure it will outsell Kardashian's bullshit sex tape and may even challenge One Night In Paris. Also there is some Playmate who is gonna have some girl on girl action with Heidi but she says if her role in the film ever becomes public, she will "sue the pants off" Spencer Pratt.

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Paris Hilton Was Almost Killed

Paris Hilton was awoken this morning by a psychopath banging on her windows armed with two butcher knives. You can not make this stuff up. She called the cops and they came out and took the dude away to the clink. Of course this is not a cut and dry homicide attempt so who knows how long he will actually go away to jail for. Sucks for Paris. I love Paris and unlike these other socialite cunts like Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian I actually care about Paris' well being. Be safe Paris.

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Tiger Is Single

It is being reported today that Tiger Woods has officially finalized his divorce from Elin Nordegren. Now he can play the field all he wants and get the pussy he has desired for so long. I don't blame him at all for cheating. His ex-wife is ugly as fuck. And luckily she will fall ass backwards into the world of obscurity because she is no longer married to a superstar. I am sure she got millions anyway and the alimony will be huge from this day forward but seeing her ugly mug in the tabloids will no longer be a fear of mine when I turn on my computer.

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The Situation Will Be A Millionaire

I do not know why I am posting this because I hate MTV and all their bullshit reality shows but it is being reported today that The Situation ( who is a character on Jersey Shore ) is going to be worth $5 million soon. Other than being in perfect shape and showing off his abs to anyone with eyes, I am not sure if this guy has any ascertainable qualities. He spends a lot of time with that over tanned piece of ass Snooki but other than that I just see him as being another idiot on MTV that gets paid millions so he can star on an episode of Cribs. Anyway, this is probably the first and most likely the last time I will report on shit from Jersey Shore but just look at those abs! They are soooooooo sexy!

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Jennifer Aniston And Courtney Cox Together Again, Not Having Sex

I am not sure why people still have a fascination with the stars of Friends but I think that they think that if you put all the cast members in the same room again that hilarity would ensue and everyone would have an orgasm of laughter. Anyway, Jennifer Aniston will be coming back to tv momentarily to star alongside her former Friends star Courtney Cox on Courtney's show Cougar Town. I won't be tuning in and I am not sure what channel it is even on and until today I did not know the show even existed but there you have it. Maybe if we get lucky they will kiss but it is doubtful.

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Rachel Uchitel Wrecks Yet Another Home

Rachel Uchitel capitalized on her "fame" by being on a show called Celebrity Rehab. She is in the there with some dude named Jeremy London who I had never heard of before the show started. Now they are dating according to RadarOnline.com but this Jeremy dude is married which could cause some problems. I wish Dr. Drew would stop capitalizing on people's suffering and just start a private practice or soeothing because I follow him on Twitter ( @drdrew ) and the dude isn't all that smart. All he is good at is finding other people's quotes and using them as his own and then ReTweeting all this shit Love Line has to say.

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Anna Paquin Is Off The Market

I don't understand why all this vampire shit and True Blood is so popular but a lot of people seem to like it and now Anna Paquin who stars on the show just got married. I have seen some Anna Paquin bikini pictures before and I would say she is not even in the top 100 hottest celebs in Hollywood. She looks like a younger version of Madonna and that is not a good thing. Anyway, she is off the market so if you were fantasizing about putting on fake fangs and a giant black cape and making love to her by a fireplace in your castle, your dreams just got shattered buddy.

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The Box-Office Beat: The Expendables Takes the Top Spot

Stallone and his brawny pals brought in the big bucks this weekend at the box office. See what other movies made lots of money ...

1 - The Expendables: $16.5 M

2 - Vampires Suck: $12.2 M

3 - Eat Pray Love: $12 M

4 - Lottery Ticket: $11.1 M

5 - The Ohter Guys: $10.1 M

6 - Piranha 3D: $10 M

7 - Nanny McPhee Returns: $8.3 M

8 - The Switch: $8.1 M

9 - Inception: $7.7 M

10 - Scott Pilgrim vs. The World: $5 M

Speidi Might Just FOR REAL Have A Sex Tape

It is being reported today by TMZ that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt may have a sex tape. Spencer is the one shopping it around and Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment is confirming that he is in negotiations with Spencer to sell the tape. This would fetch a pretty price tag and if the deal goes down Spencer would be able to afford all the pricey lawyers he would need to keep Heidi Montag at bay while he writes a tell-all book about her. Also, if you are looking forward to seeing the tape then you better go out and buy it because I can not post it or screenshots here. I can link to them but can't put the pics themselves up because I have been threatened one too many time by Vivid to stop using their pictures. I am looking forward to the release of this thing. If it is pre-op then it is sexy and if it is post-op then it is kind of like watching the wildlife channel.

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Demi Lovato Is 18!

Last night Demi Lovato turned 18 and bought her family a house, blah, blah. The important thing here is that Demi is officially 18 and I can go public with the super huge crush I have had on her for over a year. She isn't going to be living in the house however. She will be staying at a smaller house which is on the same property so she can stay out late drinking and fucking every man she sees like all celebrities do when they officially become an adult. This day is awesome!

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Paris Is Pissed

Last night at Lavo in Las Vegas Paris Hilton got pissed off at her former friend Kim Kardashian because Kim was flown in to the city via private jet and Paris was not. I am still not sure what the big fuss over Kim Kardashian and Keeping Up With The Kardashians is all about because I have watched the show before and it sucks. Also, Kim has a big ass. And not a big ass in a good way. In fact, there is no big ass in a good way except for maybe the exception of J.Lo. I like a tight and firm ass that Paris has. Anyway, I could give a fuck less if these two are feuding. Neither of them have any talent and I won't be losing any sleep over who gets to take the private jet and who doesn't.

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Lindsay Lohan Was Misdiagnosed

According to a bunch of crackpot doctors at UCLA where Lindsay Lohan is in rehab, they are saying she was misdiagnosed with ADHD and that she never really needed the Adderall she was prescribed. I could have told you that but let's face it, Lindsay LOVED the affects and that is why she kept taking it. Also, the Adderall is why she can not sleep at night and is prescribed Ambien. Again, something I could have told you. Now she is detoxing from that shit and will probably be released in the near future and will become a lot less fun to write about. Besides, she is moving out west according to her mom but her mom is twice as retarded as LiLo is so I will see what happens. Anyway, the tabloid world is somewhat boring without Lindsay Lohan. I just feel that there is something missing. I will welcome her back into the world with open arms after she is out of the nuthouse. See ya then LiLo.

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American Idol Judges Have Been Chosen

Hey people. I know it has been a few days since I blogged here but there hasn't been shit in the tabloids worth writing about the past couple of days. I don't like Big Brother or those bachelorette shows so I don't see anything worth my time. Anyway, according to a few sources Mariah Carey and Steven Tyler are apparently going to be the new American Idol judges and Randy Jackson's bitch ass will stay on as well. Some blogs/sites are claiming they know for sure if they AI is gonna have a fourth judge are not but to be truthful, no one really knows. I won't be watching but there you have it.

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Nadya Suleman Wrote A Book

OK this story is coming from Radar Online so it should be taken with a GIANT grain of salt but it seems believeable so I will republish it here. According to them Nadya Suleman a.k.a. Octomom has written a book and is trying to sell it to publishers. I forgot the last time I heard about this crazy woman but I am not the least bit interested in what she has to say in the new book. It is supposedly about her crazy life in the spotlight but since her stars has faded over the past year, I doubt anyone will be clamoring in the bookstores trying to get their hands on a copy. I would still fuck her just to say I banged Octomom but I would leave this bitch in the dirt if she wanted anything more than that.

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Hilary Swank Thinks She Is Going To Get Laid

Hilary Swank talked to People magazine about her possible future and the prospect of having kids. She says she does indeed want them but that they are not a priority right now. Is Hilary thinking she is going to have sex sometime in the future? I am sure she has a boyfriend but isn't he just using her for the money? I wouldn't touch this bitch with yours but she is delusional enough to think that someday a man will actually put his penis inside of her. Anyway, gross.

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The Guy Who Butchered Heidi Montag Is Dead

Some plastic surgeon named Frank Ryan who did the numerous plastic surgeries on Heidi Montag in one day has been killed in a car accident. I think plastic surgery is stupid so I gotta say I am not sad. Heidi looks like shit and this guy did a terrible job on her. Anyway, RIP... I guess.

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Hilary Duff Is Off The Market

Sometimes at night I sit awake at the foot on my bed on my knees and I pray that hot actresses that I wanna have a go at before they get married do not get married before I get my chance to score with them. I said that same prayer the other night and I woke up the next day to find out that Hilary Duff and some douche named Mike Comrie tied the knot. This sucks. This means unless he is abusive and obscene, I will never get the chance to have anal intercourse with a girl that I have wanted to have it with for so many years. Knowing her weird ass, they will decide to become young parents and then get divorced after pregnancy ruins her body and will make me desire her less. This is a shame.

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LiLo To Terrorize L.A. Sooner Than Expected

The quacks over at UCLA think Lindsay Lohan is perfectly healthy mainly because Lindsay Lohan is an awesome liar. They say that she isn't bi-polar and that her addiction to Adderall is some shit they can deal with on an outpatient program. They still have to write their final report and the judge in the case has the final say on rather or not she leaves early or has to stay the full 90 days. I just hope this cunt does what her mother Dina promised on The Today Show and move to New York where it is harder to be stalked by the paparazzi. I seriously feel like I am gonna throw up every time I see that twisted, constipated look on her face which seems to be the only look on her face since her downfall with amphetamines. She isn't in the trailer for Machete but it is still being rumored that she will have a role in that movie but it seems that she will for sure be starring in Inferno. That is the one I am looking forward to in the first place. We'll see what happens.

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Kat Von D Is On And Then Right Back Off The Market

I just read the other day that Kat Von D (@thekatvond) has broken up with my lifelong idol Nikki Sixx but will remain friends with him. Apparently she wanted to get laid so she hooked up with Jesse James that I am sure has a show on some network somewhere but is more recently known for breaking up with Sandra Bullock for dating a white supremecist. This is not the news I was looking forward to on a Monday because I LOVE Kat and Jesse James is a douche bag. Douche bag is actually a giant understatement but whatever. I hope she gets some love and then ditches his sorry ass.

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Do You Have A Beating Heart? YOU Could Be The Next American Idol Judge!

It seems that the desperate execs over at Fox are trying like hell to get a new judge(s) for American Idol. Now that Simon, Kara and Ellen are gone, they tried to get J.Lo and she backed out so now they are trying to land Shania Twain. Randy will still be there because he has no acertainable qualities besides calling people "dog". I won't be watching and this is probably going to be the last season of the show so I could really give a fuck less on what happens to it but we will see where it goes.

I Can't Stand Dina Lohan

Here is a clip from this morning's Today Show where Dina Lohan goes on the show and defends Lindsay and bad mouths the old judge. This bitch is so delusional that it makes me sick. I can not believe that she still thinks everything is hunky dory with Lindsay even though she has an amphetamine and sleeping pill addiction. While she was at it she mentioned that Michael Lohan, who has been doing nothing but helping Lindsay, is a bad parent. Watch the clip if you like but the only word I could use to describe Dina in this video is defensive. She has an attitude problem and I was waiting for Matt Lauer to reach over and pimpsmack this bitch.

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Tattoo Fail: Rihanna Edition

The other day Rihanna got a tattoo in New York City in a failed attempt to look attractive and it blew up in her face. She got what is supposed to be "Rebel flower" in French tattooed on her neck but in French you have to put "flower" before "rebel" so now she has to walk around with a giant typo inked across her neck for the rest of her life. I am a tattoo enthusiast and I don't like to see shitty ink running around especially when cunts like Rihanna fuck em up and make people not wanna get inked. Anyway, don't let one bad apple spoil the bunch. We will see cooler tattoos on cooler celebs in the future and you won't have to worry about typos because they will be from real tattoo artists who actually give a shit about their jobs.
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Paris Hilton Is Getting Sued

Some shitty no name company called Hairtech is suing Paris Hilton for $35 mil for not promoting their shitty product. I doubt Paris will actually have to pony up the dough because most of the charges in the documents are bullshit. I don't see why she would want to sign on with a skanky hair extension company anyway. Isn't it cooler to have your own natural hair? Anyway, Paris is damn near a billionaire and she could probably pay off these losers without losing any sleep.

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Shiloh Will Probably Be A Lesbian

There is some British magazine that interviewed Angelina Jolie the other day and since Angelina has to be the center of attention anywhere she goes, she decided to sit down with a mag that would kiss her ass the entire time. During the interview they politely asked why Shiloah was such a Tom Boy and she said that she lets her daughter dress the way she wants and that it is important for a kid to express themself. Not all kids. When I was a kid I had to wear a head to toe navy blue uniform to my catholic school 5 days a week. Usually wearing the uniform for the rest of the day. I am sure it is Angelina's goal to be a "free spirit" and a "liberal" but really she just comes across as a snug whore. I hate Brangelina and hope they fuck up their family just like Brad did to Jennifer Aniston.

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J.Lo Not Judging American Idol

American Idol is on it's last leg and now that Simon Cowell is no longer judging the show, they are looking for people to take his place. Jennifer Lopez was rumored to be a judge but people close to her are confirming that she will not be taking the job because the people at AI said she was too demanding. There are rumors floating around that Steven Tyler, yes Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, might be becoming a judge but no one has confirmed that. That leaves us with Randy Jackson who calls everyone dog. I didn't watch a single episode last season because on paper it is a total failure. You have Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood who actually had real careers after the show and the rest fell off the map. Jennifer Hudson even had a career but she was voted off. It is a clusterfuck. You figure that if the show was a success then I would know by now who won the last season because they would be tearing up the charts but instead the winner gets a cool $1 mil and then they put out a record and if it is a hit then they move on, if not then they get lost in the shuffle of tabloids and real music news.

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LiLo's Judge Goes Bye-Bye

Lindsay Lohan's judge, Marsha Revel, removed herself from the Lindsay Lohan case because she, the judge, contacted experts without notifying counsel. This doesn't mean much because Lindsay is already in rehab but this could prolong her probation. No one really knows if Judge Elden Fox, the new judge, is stricter or more easier on people who were accused and convicted of such crimes that LiLo was convicted of. Let's just hope that LiLo gets probation after her time in rehab because I have been writing about this bitch for a long time and I know she will go straight back to the bottle and pills after rehab if she doesn't have the law threatening her when she is free.

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Alanis Morrisette Is Preggers

Not a super slow news day but slow enough to announce here that Alanis Morrisette is preggers. She married some douche this past may and apparently they were doing the wild thing on their honeymoon unless they decided to get married BECAUSE Alanis had a bun in the oven. Anyway, she is 36 meaning she will be 56 when the kid is 20 which makes her a VERY old mom. I doubt there will be anymore after this and I pray to God that she doesn't have a miscarriage because of her age. Anyway, I am happy for her.

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Portia DeGeneres Coming Soon

America's two favorite cunt bumpers are back in the media today after TMZ got ahold of legal papers last Friday stating that Portia De Rossi wants to become known as Portia DeGeneres. Makes sense as Ellen is probably one of the most respected women in America and Portia is just some hotty that likes to suck lesbian face. I am happy for both of them.

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Levi Johnston Has A Reality Show Now

Word is coming out of Alaska that Levi Johnston and Bristol Palin split. This isn't exactly new news but I didn't see a reason to blog about before because no one gives a shit about what is happening in the Palin family. Now Levi Johnston is getting his own reality series and is actually in L.A. right now shooting it. After they already made the pilot I would assume that they are going to take it to the bigger networks. I smell a Victoria Beck: Coming To America remake on our hands. Someone the tabloids love to write about but when you put a camera in front of them and actually follow them on their day to day lives, they become quite boring. I won't watch. Will you?

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Rachel Bilson Is Back On The Market

I do not know who Hayden Christensen is but apparently he was engaged to Rachel Bilson but now after months of being on the rocks, Rachel is back on the market. This is a good thing for a number of reasons but I want to point out how hot Selena Gomez is first. Just put the two side by side and you will see that they are almost the exact same person only Rachel looks more like a squirrel some redneck ran over in their pick-em-up truck and Selena looks like an angel. We still have a little bit of time before Selena turns 18 and I can put pics of her on the blog in a bikini without feeling dirty. Back to Rachel. She's free. Have at it boys!

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